Jeff Benson, Psychotherapy

There are many theories and ideas on the different stages of coming out. Here are the stages I have found to be most relevant and true. Remember these are not absolutes, as we are all different, but in my experience, the majority of gay and bisexual men experience stages in this order. (Note: Those who are questioning could fit anywhere in the first three stages.)

Self-recognition as gayIn this initial stage, there is an awareness of being attracted to members of the same sex. Along with that excitement, there is also denial and a repression of those feelings. Often times, you may feel anxious trying "act straight" or fit in.READ MORE

Many men in this stage will seek counseling trying to change these feelings.
I have known many men to try and barter or make a deal with their higher power to "not be this way". What I hope is to help you acknowledge and accept your sexual orientation. When this is realized, there may be a sense or mourning for a life that you "planned". This first stage is a great time to seek counseling. You may feel security in having someone there to talk to and support you through these very difficult and emotional times.

Disclosure to othersThe beginning of this stage usually includes "coming out" or telling a close friend that you are questioning your sexuality. Positive reactions help lead to better self-esteem and more confidence in continuing this process.READ MORE

Rejection early in this stage often sends people back to the self-recognition stage. Seeking counseling is critical when deciding on whom to tell first and how to talk to a loved one. Afterwards, there is a sense of hope and support and progression into the third stage.

Socialization with other gaysThis is a critical stage in the development of a gay or bisexual man. This stage usually includes your first experiences in socializing with other gay and bisexual men. This can help give you a sense of hope and belonging.READ MORE

Often, a sense of pride and positive sense of self develops through the acceptance, validation and support of other gay and bisexual men. Contact with positive role models can play an important part in your life during this stage. Seeing a counselor who is gay or bisexual can help you see past what's directly in front of you open your eyes to the bigger picture of what life can have in store for you. Sometimes this stage can be overwhelming and having someone who has gone through it can be very beneficial.

Positive self-identificationOne of the big signs in this stage is that the label of gay or bisexual is more of a badge of honor than a curse. You begin to feel more complete. This stage often includes feeling good about yourself, seeking out more deep and meaningful gay relationships and having a sense of calmness.READ MORE

This is also a stage where men begin to have deeper connections with one another and enter into more intimate relationships. This sense of vulnerability can often be exciting and scary. During this stage, a counselor can help you realized what it is you want and help you get there.

Integration and AcceptanceThis final stage of coming out is when you experience an openness and non-defensive attitude about your sexual orientation. Being gay becomes a part of who you are and no longer feels like the center of your existence.READ MORE

Couples often live a comfortable life together and seek out other couples. Single men begin to find others who also have life goals and dreams similar to their own. You experience a sense of harmony and calm.